Last Saturday, just a few minutes before 10pm, i got a call from Novis. His first words were, "Che, have you heard about Abs?". Just that morning, Faye told me the news that Abs was diagnosed with leukemia. And so when Novis called, the thing that came to my mind was the same thing i told Faye that morning, "Kelangan nya ba ng donors? Baka i can ask my officemates." I never expected and was not prepared for the news, "he passed away 20 minutes ago." I know Marvin Abing for about 10 years now, but i have never been close to him and we rarely spoke to each other. The only thing i can remember is his sweet smile, and the only memorable moment i spent with him was lunch at big buddha a few months ago with other "pisay-makati people". The last time i saw him was when i ran into him and Allan Vistan in GB3, just a few weeks after our lunchout. Nevertheless, i was greatly affected by his death. I hate funerals and i am terrified to look at the person behind THAT glass, but i know i'll be there at his wake. I thought i was preparing myself when i picture seeing him in a casket, many times before we got there. But just a glimpse at him overpowered my resolve and i can't help crying. My brain has accepted the fact; being there made it real. The reality hit me hard, he is really gone. Though i know that death is part of life, I just can't accept that people i know die. For Marvin's family and close friends, i can only imagine the hurt that they feel. I pray that everyone who loved him will get through this. Marvin, i am really sorry that i didn't get to be your "friend". But i will never forget you. I know that you are in a better place now. May you rest in peace.

cold

i have never been depressed like this... and never felt so alone like this. why is there no reset button in life? i wish i could go back in time where all i have lost are still with me. i know, don't we all do?