to my best friend

15 years ago, our fathers, who were both very proud but probably bored of having to accompany their daughters through high school enrollment, were the first ones to strike up a conversation with each other. and that's when i met her. she gave me a big smile and i immediately felt at ease with her. i knew i met my first friend in high school. we have been through so much together. moments that were full of laughter, some with tears. we had our share of fights and misunderstandings. but in the end, she has always been there for me. and she has been a better friend to me than i have been to her. i cried when she had her first boyfriend. and i cried on her wedding day. i was afraid things would change and they did. but she will always be one of my best friends. i love her and i miss her every day. thank you for always being there for me in the last 15 years, faye! and here's to 15 more years (and more) of friendship.

my murtaugh list

last thursday, i was out with my friend Richie. while we were hanging out at Nuvo to supposedly have dessert, we had to discuss if we should get drinks as well. now this is worth mentioning since before i turned 28, going out with Richie would automatically involve alcohol (he's my most B.I. friend ever. :P). the reason is, as i've explained to him, i am trying to stop (or at least minimize) drinking. i just feel like i'm past that phase anymore. the drinking then getting woozy, then being so embarrassingly loud, then sometimes throwing up, then waking up with a really bad headache and weird tummy --- that does not sound as fun as it was before. and maybe it's just coincidence or it's really what made me realize it, but the last time i experienced all these was the day before my 28th birthday. so now, when a party or event involves shots (or at least pure dosages) of alcohol, i try not to drink at all (it would be harder to stop then). "so it's like you're too old for that stuff..." well, maybe? i don't know. i'm not saying i will never drink again, but i'm trying not to get drunk again. and then something ironic happened. when i got home, i watch an episode of How I Met Your Mother which turned out to be the "Murtaugh" episode. it's about Ted having a list of "i'm too old for this shit" stuff. taking it as a challenge, Barney took Ted's Murtaugh list and made a bet with Ted that he will do every thing on that list within the next 24 hours. in the end, Barney lost the bet. but Ted realized that even though Roger Murtaugh kept complaining that he was too old to be doing all that stuff, he ended up doing four Lethal Weapon movies and just kept doing more stuff every time. i know there comes a time in your life when you're expected to act your age and be an adult. but it was also fun when you were younger and just cared a bit less about the consequences, right? so maybe once in a while, it will be healthy for the heart to re-experience those silly stuff on your Murtaugh list. what do you think? i've got five items right now on my list. now, if you can suggest something that would belong to a Murtaugh list, i would like to take five more. then i'll try to do them all before June ends. any ideas? :D

quickie

i'm such an internet-slave. 3 days without it and i was having withdrawal symptoms. i even chose to pay HK$100 for 4-hours worth of surfing. bah! this vacation is too tiring to be called a vacation. i will be needing another vacation after this. preferably something that does not involve or require doing touristy stuff. staying in my condo for the next three days would be enough. but still, i'm having fun. and i don't think i have spent much yet, except for food! but then again, i haven't been to HMV (DVD store) yet. i'm too sleepy. my eyes are already closing as i type this. so disappointed that i have not caught up with everything i missed in the last 3 days yet. and i think i still have 2 hours or HK$50 to burn. oh well... publish, before i drift to dreamland...

do i really have to put a title? i can't think of anything. hmmm...

It seems like my last post gave a sort-of wrong impression to those who have read it. Sorry about that. I am very thankful for all the kind words and support my friends have given me. But seriously, i am okay. :D I actually made a lighthearted intro for that blog to set the mood. But the blog itself was already too long, so i removed it (and it was nonsense anyway). The last post is just what it is -- a look back on life and a check on who i have become. And i was hoping also it would help people understand me better. I think i should help as much as i can on that aspect, it's pretty darn hard to get me. Hehe! I was over-thinking, as i said. It's my new hobby. Anyway... moving on. :D ------------------------------------ So, one of the results of my over-thinking is the resolution to be more available and spend more time with my friends. I think that was just put on the test when yesterday i invited my friends jae, jem and jam to go out and they responded by inviting me to watch a johnoy and kakoy gig in route 196, which is in Katipunan! Well, if you know me, then you know that it'll take some convincing to make me leave the comforts of Makati. But yesterday, i did not even hesitate. (naks!) Also, i just have to find out what really is the deal with johnoy and kakoy! I've been hearing a lot about them especially from my pisay friends. There was this one time when all my Soupagetti bandmates went to watch their gig somewhere down south -- where they DID NOT invite me by the way(!) though i doubt i would have come anyway if they did. Then the next day at band practice they were all talking about it, especially the free truffles they got at the end due to kakoy or johnoy. I hate being out of place... and there were FREE truffles, come on... Anyway. There i was with my boys at route 196, with jonas and alekos joining us later that evening. I very much enjoyed the gig. Johnoy really has a very good voice, and Kakoy is just ridiculous on the guitars! There was this song they played after 'Lightning Crashes' which i really liked. So [for the nth time that night] i asked the guys what is the title of the song or who sang it and they were as clueless as i was. It turns out, it was one of their original songs. Enjoy Johnoy and Kakoy's "Waltz in D". Thanks to jem ("weird na yung title is "waltz in d", especially since key of g yung kanta!") for finding the video for me. :D ------------------------------------ The toast last night was "mabuhay ang mga single". But i would like to offer a toast also to all my married girl friends. Happy mother's day sweeties! *hug* Hanging out with the boys was fun. But it's not the same without my girls. I miss you everyday. :)

reflection

i am 28 years old and most of the time i feel old. i have always thought that at 28, i'd be "retired" from work and would be moving on to my dream vocation. when i was younger, i did not dream of becoming a doctor, or someone powerful. i dreamed of becoming a housewife. i took engineering in college because i did not want to be stuck in an office cube for at least 8 hours a day. but in the end i chose software over hardware. i did not dream of climbing the corporate ladder. but i have always been very competitive. i have my weak points but generally, i think i am smart. i take pride in having attended and surviving the best schools in the country. i have been accused of having a "superiority-complex". sometimes, i think i really do. my dream career would be something related to performance arts or entertainment. i love to dance but is disappointed that i did not really pursue it and did not improve. i am frustrated of having only the skills to learn a lot of the basics, but not have the capacity to excel at anything. i am single right now. i am not looking, but i am waiting for him to come. i am a coward. i am afraid of many things, like the dark or of heights or taking risks. but i am most afraid of being alone. i can overcome my fears if i have someone to push me and who believes in me. i have trust issues, which sometimes translates to commitment issues. i have fallen in love with several boys and men, but i would only admit and own up to two. i believe that my past relationships failed because deep in my heart i did not believe they would succeed. i believe that i would still meet the love of my life, and then i wouldn't have to hold back. i find it harder to express love to the people i love most. i love my friends and family. but it's them who i take for granted the most. i don't remember being able to look into someone's face or eyes and tell them i love them even if i really mean it, even if they were asleep. when forced to admit my emotions in public, i get defensive by getting angry. i have a bad temper, and i have the tendency to be carried away by my emotions. i can be quite mean, but i really want to become a better person. i would like to try to stop swearing. and i will never ever smoke again even just to prove a point. i want to have faith and believe. i have several personalities, and what comes out depends on who i am with. i tend to over-think a lot of things, which is why i usually find it hard to sleep at night. most of the time, i would like to escape. but i'm more afraid of facing the consequences later on. i am currently lost, and confused. i am tired. i will sleep.

okay, i'm in a better mood now

i miss my friends so much. and it's been great that i got to spend some time with them last weekend. spent saturday afternoon watching wolverine and playing bowling with my college friends dennis, kiko, trishah and her husband john. then i met up with jae at starbucks to just talk. i met up with ria yesterday and we had a great time at The Spa. when i got home i spent like 4 hours talking on the phone with luz. i missed some sleep but it was well worth it. quarter-life/mid-life crisis is temporarily on hold. :D -------------------------------------------------- i'm supposed to be leaving for hongkong next week. but due to the swine flu pandemic, my brother is now suggesting we reschedule it. i don't know if we will or what. but have you seen this??? -------------------------------------------------- oh, and i'll be returning the rock band later to my friend. so good bye to swollen hands now. i should probably go home early and say good bye to it "properly". but this is interesting for those rock band addicts! this is your chance to shine! :D

i want to hear your story

i want to hear about your past --- your favorite childhood memory, the greatest lesson you have learned, your most embarrassing moment, your first love, the reason why you cried last time. i want to hear how you are doing now. are you happy with your life? do you feel loved? what's making you sad? what are you thinking? i want to hear about your future --- yours plans, your goals and ambitions, your dream. i want to know what are the things that made you who you are right now. and i want to know where you are going after this. i want to know you. and so i'll be waiting here for you to drop by so you can tell me the story of your life. and i promise i will listen.

arrrrrrgh!

i want to blog about a lot of things, got tons to say. but when i start writing about it, it always does not come out right. ah, frustrating! i have such a messy train of thought.