to the last 7 years

i learned how to be apathetic, to care for no one but yourself, to ignore change, to take what matters most for granted, to forget and to be really unhappy. i learned how to love, to be in love, to give all you can give, to be more patient and understanding, to listen and shut up, to lower my pride (way way down), to forgive, to let go.

i learned that some friendship can survive unimaginable disasters and some end over very simple and little disagreements.

i learned that i am not special, important and popular as much as i thought i was. i learned that i cannot give and not expect anything in return. i ask for recognition, appreciation and attention. i learned to be more stupid, to listen to what my heart feels over what my head thinks. i learned to look past the surface and accept people for what they are truly worth. but there are people who act out of how they think people see them and end up denying the person they can be. i learned that despite of all self-worth and confidence i acquired, i still care of what other people think. i learned that "firsts" (first kiss, first commitment and relationship, first hurt, etc.) are overrated. waiting and "saving" them is a waste of time. once you feel it's right time, go for it. i learned that love is blind and stupid, but it cannot conquer all.

george and justine's wedding

i only have 5 things to say about their wedding: 1. it was the kind of wedding that would make you wish you're getting married too, soon! 2. the church, the place, the bride and groom, the wedding, they were all beautiful and perfect 3. george, i'm hiring your brother as photographer to my own wedding 4. it is the best wedding i've ever been to 5. i believe now that love could lift you to places, make you happier than you've ever imagined, and is really a very beautiful thing that is one of God's greatest blessings. to george and justine, we wish you a happy and beautiful marriage, and (as dennis said) an exciting honeymoon. i hope El Nido was perfect. we'll be waiting for the wedding pictures. i'm so excited to see them na! anyway, we'll stalk your site muna. :)

such a happy couple. i love this picture. sobrang sweet and pretty. sorry for the low res and blur. i was using lang my phone camera and naka-zoom lang sya.

ang mga babae sa buhay ni george, his barkada. of course, we also have to be pretty. kami ang nagpaingay sa henyong iyan.

ang mga lalaki ni george... hihih! joke! ang mga abay. ang mga laiterong gwapo sa pic na ito. sa pic lang na ito..

evaluating the gamer in me

my ultimate goal in life (yes, ultimate) is to be a great homemaker. and since i'm not getting any younger, i've been seriously considering the right (not to mention, the one which could possibly make me obscenely wealthy) career path i should take. i've been in the mobile "game"development industry for almost 2.5 years now. before i joined ContentDev, i have never imagined calling myself a gamer. sure i play games. but i was never a fanatic. now, i can't seem to stop... playing...!!! to be honest, if i could only be totally apathetic about corporate politics, then my current job would be perfect. anyway, now i can't imagine doing anything else. system/applications/web development, system administration, sms applications dev't, gateway, etc, etc.. these other IT paths can't seem to spark my interest anymore. i want to do GAMES!!! but now i'm thinking if doing games would be right for me. di naman porke gusto mo, tama na di ba? so here i am, trying to evaluate if i'm "gamer" enough, before i invest myself in this industry. definitely, there is a great number of other people who are better suited for the job. but i don't care about them, gusto ko lang malaman kung papasa din ako. so if our scale is: (UP ako e, kaya ganyan ang grading)

• 1 - i can totally kick your ass if i want to
• 2 - i'm really good, i can be great
• 3 - i can do it, but it won't be the best way to do it
• 4 - i need practice!!!... ok fine, bonus ako!
• 5 - why the hell did i even bother playing this game?!?!?!

here we go... First Person Shooting (FPS) Games - 2 i've played CounterStrike, Unreal Tournament 2004, BattleField, Call of Duty and btw, i don't hide in a corner and snipe people Real-Time Strategy (RTS) Games - 4 well, i've only tried Warcraft FT. and we played for 2 weeks only (because we discovered dota after). kaya ko siguro yun kung naglaro pa kami ng mas matagal!!! hehe! but i really sucked at that. :P Role-Playing Games (RPG) - 3 i've played Castlevania and tried Khan Online, WoW and Tantra. i found MMORPGs kinda boring though. Almost finished Castlevania.. got bored with the last boss. i don't suck at playing them but i'm not crazy about them either. Racing Games - 4 when i play daytona in the arcade, i do really well. but if i play PC/console-based racing games like Gran Turismo, Need for Speed, etc... i really suck. i just can't drive using the joystick or arrow keys. Defense of the Ancients (DOTA) - 1!!! i really don't know in which category DOTA belongs to. it's a mix of RPG and RTS. but anyway, i've been playing this for over a year now. i improved slowly but i think i'm doing really well now. i can really kick your ass if i want to... and er, if i have a manageable character. so from these, i think it's safe to say i'm an average game player. mejo low-end pa nga ata e. so should i be worried? should i accept that maybe game development is not the right path for me? or should i just stop working all together and marry an old, dying, rich man???

bold move?

everything around me seems to change too fast that i can't decide if i'll accept them or not. apparently, i'm the only one stuck in this world that i used to share with a lot of people, those who i love most. village ba, kamo?? i just can't keep up. and now, all that has become of my life seems to be... worthless... nonsense. game over. i need to start a new life. i need to start fresh. and to do that, i think i have to go far, far away. i need to forget the old routines, untie strings and let go. sounds like a plan, di ba? but how the hell am i going to do all of these?!?! it's really harder than you think... especially if you've always feared being alone. hindi ko ata kaya e, pero kelangang gawin...

sick update

i dont have typhoid fever, but apparently, i have typhi viruses... something like 3 out of 6, i think? and i also have low WBC. they said, i was about to have typhoid fever but my WBC produced enough antibodies to fight it off before it even sets in. is that even possible??? anyway, they discovered i have too much sugar in my body, it being present in the results of my urinalysis. and i also have high uric acid. so much for gaining back my appetite, i still cant eat much of the food i like. i cant eat sweet and salty food. no teriyaki, no apple juice, no choco bars, no junkfood, no mushrooms, no potato (ergo, no fries), nuts (no cornbits!!!), and everything else. i also have to overdose myself with water. i now drink about 2 liters a day and pee every 15mins. hassle! so what can i eat? i went to ministop yesterday, spent about 10 mins thinking of what i should get, and ended up getting dried mango chips. when i went back to the office, they told me it may be too sweet for me. well fuck diet, i am eating it. i'm pretty sure i wont get diabetes naman, at least not anytime in the near future. it's one thing that does not run in the family. anyway, the i'm about done with my medication (which i don't know what for). tomorrow, i'll go to the clinic and have blood and urine tests again, just to make sure they say. Just to make sure what really is wrong with me.