B**ch Fest

Has anyone seen the movie White Chicks starring the Wayan(?) brothers? I watched it last week with Faye and i really liked it. This is where i learned the expression, "BF (Bitch Fest)!!" You just have to be a total bitch to have one. --- And speaking of BF, i think i just had one last week and i hated myself for it. I've become a total bitch to people i know, and people i don't know. So i just want to take this moment to apologize to them.

• To Allen who invited Luz to sleep in our apartment, and Luz who stayed in our apartment, I'm sorry for being not so friendly (not talking) to you last monday. I brought home my bad trip which was caused by an argument with a boss earlier that day.
• To my officemates, to whom i released my stress. I'm sorry for my sudden tantrum last Tuesday. I'm really glad you're still talking to me. :)
• To the Ateneans who "mistakingly" occupied our rooms when we were in Tali. I just hated the way you acted (as if we bothered you), when you are the one who made a mistake. I'm sorry because i could have talked to you nicely, but i was just too tired.
• To the girl in MushroomBurger, who claim to be a student selling cards to help something. I'm sorry for dismissing you before you can even finish your speech.
• And again to my officemates who i've been mostly with during my bitching days. thank you for keeping up with me.

Fortunately, i think my BF is over. Something happened yesterday which would typically piss me off but surprisingly, it did not even bother me. I guess relaxing at the beach last weekend mellowed me down. --- I was in Tali Beach in Batangas last weekend. The place is not like Montemar but it's pretty clean and beutiful. I do not know how to swim but i still enjoyed hanging out on the shallow part of the sea. The house where we stayed in was already old and there was no TV. But simple living had encouraged us to just drink, jam and kwentuhan, which i guess is what made the experience wonderful. It was really a good weekend and i just wish i had a longer vacation. --- Don't worry about a thing Coz every little thing is gonna be alright! -"Everything is Gonna Be Alright" by Bob Marley (the ultimate beach song)

...

Dear *you*, I miss you, i miss having my best friend. i feel so lost right now. I feel as if i have no one to turn to and there's no place to go... Sorry ha, naiinis na lang talaga kasi ako e. Kasalanan ko ba to? Parang alam ko, wala naman akong ginawang masama. Di ko naman sinabi na sambahin mo ko, na katakutan mo ko, na mas mataas ako sa yo. Simple lang naman yung hinihingi ko ngayon e, RESPETO. Respetuhin mo lang kung sino ako, ang kalagayan ko. Seryoso ako sa pakikisama sa yo, eh ikaw ba? It's not your fault. I know you've always been there for me, but i never really thought that i need you, not at this time. And i know you have seen me as the strong one, that i can be left alone. And though the whole of me wanted to cry out, I still won't say that i need someone... Tinanggap ko na nga nung ipinantay mo sya sa akin. Kahit naghati kami sa dapat akin lang, ok lang talaga sa akin, ok naman syang tao sa akin. Tapos ngayon, parang gusto nyo pang kunin ang hati ko, at ibigay na sa kanya ang dapat sanang akin. Sana nung umpisa pa lang sa kanya mo na lang binigay lahat. Kaysa naman pinatikim mo pa ko, tapos ngayon babawiin mo. Because there's no point in calling out. I don't know why, there's a reason that i not know how to put into words. I just feel so sad right now. Nakakagalit. Akala ko pa naman magkaibigan tayo, ikaw pa pala ang gagawa nito sa akin.

sabi nila masama daw mainggit

but i just can't help it. ----------- i should be in France now, the number one in my "countries to visit" list. Two of our games were shortlisted as finalists in the java challenge sponsored by Orange and Nokia, and as a sort of price, we were given invites to attend their Code Camp in France. I was the developer for one of the games, and the invites were supposed to be FOR US, the developers. but for some reason, my manager took one of the invites. so to avoid issues and just make the long discussion short, pumayag akong maiwan na lang. (Fact: nung pumayag akong magpaiwan, di ko alam na sa France pala yung event. engot! hay...) I felt ok with my decision until last week, i learned that manager wasn't allowed by the bosses of our company to leave (the main reason being what a manager like him, who doesn't even know how to zip files, will do in a code camp). Nakakainis, sayang lang yung invite, akin na lang sana di ba?! grr.. ---------- Last week, Faye told me that a college kabarkada of us (a former suitor of mine) just acquired a new car. I think he emailed her and even sent her some picture. Then again before, another friend of us (also a former suitor) told her that he just got a new girlfriend, the girl he'd been courting for so many years finally gave him a chance. These guys used to be my best friends, and I was their best friend too. Or so i thought. After all, the "best friendship" was only present during the panliligaw. it's just sad that i used to know a lot and more about these people than anyone else; but now it seems i'm always one of the last ones to know. Tapos kadalasan pa ng nangyayari, mas close na sila sa closest friends ko. i miss these people who i've shared a great deal and significant part of my life. I, or most probably my ego, just find it hard to accept that i'm just now "someone i used to know" person in their lives; or maybe lower. Di naman ako nagpapaligaw uli noh! I just want to be "friends" with them, at the least. i know that they know that i loved them, just not in the way that they wanted me to. Bitter ba sila?! ---------- i've been in this mobile game development company for over a year now and i haven't done a game of my own. i've always been the connectivity and network person; that's why my games usually require two developers when usually there's just one developer for one game. and now that i've been assigned a managing job, i find it harder now to assign a game to myself. i miss developing. Gosh, i even miss the frustration brought about by a "non-working yet can't find the bug" program. it's just sick! Note: nung monday pa dapat ang blog na to. absent ako kahapon so ngayon ko lang natapos. hihi!

i have a problem...

I'm having a VERY hard time falling asleep. Before, it takes me around an hour to fall asleep after lying down. But due to a stressful project since last month, it became harder to fall asleep. Now usually it takes me around 2 hours. But i'm afraid that it's getting worse. Last night, it took me more than 3 hours!! waah! i was so frustrated i wanted to cry. I'm seriously thinking of getting a prescription for some sleeping pills. waah!!

U.P. Fight!!!

haha! i can't believe it! UP just won against Ateneo earlier in the 2nd round of UAAP basketball games. And it's their 6th straight win. Ika nga ni officemate Pol, "baligtad na ata ang mundo". Well for me, even if they don't make it to the finals this year, i'm happy. "Panalo pa rin e!" this is something new for us mga Iskolar ng Bayan. wahaha! :)