Last Saturday, just a few minutes before 10pm, i got a call from Novis. His first words were, "Che, have you heard about Abs?". Just that morning, Faye told me the news that Abs was diagnosed with leukemia. And so when Novis called, the thing that came to my mind was the same thing i told Faye that morning, "Kelangan nya ba ng donors? Baka i can ask my officemates." I never expected and was not prepared for the news, "he passed away 20 minutes ago." I know Marvin Abing for about 10 years now, but i have never been close to him and we rarely spoke to each other. The only thing i can remember is his sweet smile, and the only memorable moment i spent with him was lunch at big buddha a few months ago with other "pisay-makati people". The last time i saw him was when i ran into him and Allan Vistan in GB3, just a few weeks after our lunchout. Nevertheless, i was greatly affected by his death. I hate funerals and i am terrified to look at the person behind THAT glass, but i know i'll be there at his wake. I thought i was preparing myself when i picture seeing him in a casket, many times before we got there. But just a glimpse at him overpowered my resolve and i can't help crying. My brain has accepted the fact; being there made it real. The reality hit me hard, he is really gone. Though i know that death is part of life, I just can't accept that people i know die. For Marvin's family and close friends, i can only imagine the hurt that they feel. I pray that everyone who loved him will get through this. Marvin, i am really sorry that i didn't get to be your "friend". But i will never forget you. I know that you are in a better place now. May you rest in peace.

cold

i have never been depressed like this... and never felt so alone like this. why is there no reset button in life? i wish i could go back in time where all i have lost are still with me. i know, don't we all do?

Cheers to Platonic Relationships!!!

hehe, i feel nostalgic today... and so i've revisited my high school files. then i found this article, which at that time, i can so relate to. (well, paminsan din ngayon.. hehe!) I'm posting this for all the high school kids out there and the people who still are going through this experience. i've always liked this article, it's so funny. tinamaan ako e... :) Warning: mejo mahaba ata. :) -------------------------------------------------------- If Platonic Ain’t Cool, Then What Is? By Amy Craeg Matagal mo na siyang kilala…siguro mga isang taon na. Lagi mo siyang kasama, magkakabit na nga ang mga bituka niyo, eh. Pareho ang mga trip niyo sa buhay kaya hindi kayo nauubusan ng pag-uusapan o gagawin. You find the same jokes funny. Pag turn-off sa iyo, ganun din sa kanya. Super concerned siya sa iyo, as in, he knows when you are not feeling well and what to do when you’re down. Alam mo kapag bad trip siya. Takbuhan niyo ang isa’t isa kapag may problema. Kapag kayong dalawa ang magkasama, parang may sarili kayong mundo. Kahit tawa lang kayo ng tawa, wala kayong pakialam. Basta ang importante, you have each other’s company. You feel so comfortable that holding hands and hugging seem natural. He makes you feel so special and loved that you suddenly have the urges of kissing him. Help! Help! Help! Pare, hindi puede! Bakit, kayo ba? Ouch! Bakit ka namumula? What did I say? You look so affected! Wala naman akong ginawa, ‘di ba? I just asked the right question. Well, sorry ka na lang magaling ako! Don’t panic!!! Relax. Take a deep breath and say…banana! One more time now…banana! Concentrate. Focus. Try to look back. Ano ang nakikita mo? Sino ang iniisip mo? SIYA. Syet! You are starting to realize how cool he is. Syeter! You are beginning to miss him. Syetest!!! You are actually in love with him. Banana!!! What ‘dja gonna do, bullet? Duh?! Frankly, my dear, I have no idea. Yes, after making you admit to yourself that you’re in a situation that could change your entire life, I will leave you hanging. Teka, hindi naman ako ganun kasama. Okay, let’s see what we can do. First, kailangan nating I-establish that your feelings for him go beyond friendship. Now the question is…does he feel the same way? How the hell are you going to find out? Aha! Go to him and ask it right to his face. Do you labs me? Grabe, parang puede. Do you have the guts to do it? Do it, girl! I’m right behind you, theoretically speaking. Eniwey, you still have the option of whether you would like to know or not. Think. Think hard. Look, ano ba ang nangyayari ngayon? Don’t you feel that, somehow, you are being used for convenience? Imagine – no commitment, no strings attached. Hindi lang iyon. Super malambing siya sa iyo, pero bigla siyang babanat na may crush siyang ibang girl. It hoyts, ‘di ba? And, once in a while, hihirit siya sa iyo na parang nagpapahaging that he likes you, sabay bawi. Kakainis! What’s worse is that since you feel something deeper for him, sometimes you tend to read too much sa mga ipinapakita niyang affection sa iyo. Thus, you kinda think na “meron” din siya. Then you’ll end up frustrated but you can’t do anything about it. Damn, it sucks!!! Kaya, the best thing to do is to set things straight. End your miseries and be merry. It would be better na alamin niyo kung ano ba talaga para you wouldn’t miss this opportunity and be doomed to live the rest of your life wondering what if , just what if… Who knows, it might be you and him together forever. Kay saya! How ispektakolar! So, if platonic ain’t cool, then what is? Well, what do you think?

Christmas...

... makes me feel sad. Sigh.. i just feel so sad right now... :(

My Christmas Wish List

It maybe a little late, and some people might have done this already.. but i'm doing this for myself. Hehe! I'm posting here my top ten wish list for this christmas. I'm hoping that you, my friends, will have an idea on what to give (and will give) to me this christmas. :D 10. A box of good quality dark chocolates. (Yum!) 9. A coffee jug/mug with Cafe Mocha in it from Starbucks. (coffee addict!) 8. The "ten years of friends book". (i am a fan!) 7. Any X-men / Spiderman / Batman/ Superman / Sandman comic book. (i just like them.) 6. Any cute or classy clothes. (so i can look like a WOMAN. haha! ) 5. A cheap, but classy watch. (I just broke mine, huhu!) 4. Any cool gadget or technology. (i'm such a geek.) 3. Something you (my giver) cooked. (oh, so sweet!) 2. Something you (my giver) made, except for food coz that's number 3. :D (oh, much sweeter!) 1. Any surprise you've thought of. (i'm a sucker for surprises. :D) I'll be going home by the 24th. I'll be expecting your gifts before that. haha! joke lang. Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas!! :)