i am tired...

... of doing nothing and being nobody. what's hard with shifting companies while you're nowhere near the top of the corporate chain yet is you lose who/what you've become. in my case, i lost 2.5 years of "hard work". i admit that though i learned much and was mentally-challenged in ePLDT, the experience was not really something you'll call work. it was fun, too much fun to be considered work. and even if i greatly miss having that much fun, that's not why i'm griping now. the fact is, i am tired of doing nothing and being nobody. in ePLDT, i was a game developer for a year and then a "project manager" for 1.5 years. i did connectivity stuff, designed games, attended trainings, stood all day in conference booths and tried sell our games. i made timelines, handled people, assigned projects, interviewed applicants. i reported to him, him and him. i coordinated with this person and this. i was included in email trails with clients and knew what "my products" had, may it be a feature or a bug. my bosses value what i think. our partners/contacts knew me. and i'm even in-charge of planning gimmicks and ordering food whenever we eat out! when i decided to resign, i was expecting to start somewhere near the bottom again in that place where i'll move on. but when i applied here, they said that though i won't be getting the official title of "project manager", i'll be asked to handle, from time to time, a specific project and manage a small team of 3 people (half the size of the former team i was handling). officially, i'm a "software developer". it's been two months now, things are not looking up yet and i'm starting to feel uncomfortable. the most challenging thing i've done yet is minimizing file size, which most of the time, is just removing legacy code. i'm doing unwanted work, lots of small but unrelated stuff. i don't have any long-term tasks. most of the time, i don't know what i'll work on the next day. i have no idea what's happening to the product i'm supposed to be working on. i'm not really sure yet how many bosses i have and if i'm reporting to the right people. and worse, not enough opportunities are there for you to prove yourself and be somebody. i do not regret quitting my previous job nor joining my current one. but so far, i'm not getting what i bargained for and i'm already getting impatient (which is really bad). as you probably know, i've always dreamed of becoming a devoted homemaker (kahit na sabi ni mark, mukhang malabo na yun, :p). so i'm hoping that in the *hopefully* short time that i'll be working, i'll accomplish something and look back satisfied. it's just disappointing to learn that instead of helping me skip a level on the way up, this new job is making me take a few steps back instead.