Ten things for me to do before my first year anniversary (which is in October) in Singapore:
1. Get at least two new "country stamps" in my passport (Japan, and maybe Malaysia)
2. Try out zumba and drums alive
3. Take swimming lessons
4. Go to at least one museum
5. Enroll in a baking/cooking class
6. Explore at least two major parks
7. See at least two musical plays (Phantom of the Opera should count, right?)
8. Get a bicycle
9. "Hello world" on iOS
10. Go on a date?
there was an episode in How I Met Your Mother called "Trilogy Time" where Ted and Marshall made this tradition of watching the Star Wars trilogy every three years. every time, they dreamed of how life would be much better for them by the next trilogy schedule. but as we all know, reality doesn't always align with expectations. and by 2012, Ted stopped dreaming of that better future.
now, i found this old post i wrote three years ago in my drafts and i realized that most of them are still true. so like Ted, i can't help but think about how the rest of the world and my friends seem to be moving forward except for me. and to be honest, i'm starting to feel as hopeless as him.
my life was in a rut for the past years that's why i decided to move to Singapore. but just like that, almost 8 months already passed by since i got here and still not much has changed in my life. i know that i'm the one who is supposed to drive that change. my friends never failed in giving me advice on how to go about it. but i still find myself stuck and unable to move forward. i've always been a coward. i'm afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone.
three years from now, i wonder if anything will change. would i find that bottle of courage somewhere along the way? or would i still be the same 28-year old me stuck in a 34-year old's body? experience is telling me to bet on the latter. though deep inside of me, i would still like to hope for the best.
====================================
i am 28 years old and most of the time i feel old. though sometimes i reject the expectations that come with the age thinking that i am not ready for them yet.
i have always thought that at 28, i'd be "retired" from work and would be moving on to my dream vocation.
when i was younger, i did not dream of becoming a doctor, or someone powerful. i dreamed of becoming a housewife.
my dream career would be something related to performance arts or entertainment.
i love to dance but is disappointed that i did not really pursue it and did not improve.
i am frustrated of having only the skills to learn a lot of the basics, but not have the capacity to excel at anything.
i am single right now. i am not looking, but i am waiting for him to come.
i am a coward. i am afraid of many things, like the dark or of heights or taking risks. but i am most afraid of being alone.
i can overcome my fears if i have someone to push me and who believes in me.
i have trust issues, which sometimes translates to commitment issues.
i have fallen in love with several boys and men, but i would only admit and own up to two.
i believe that my past relationships failed because deep in my heart i did not believe they would succeed.
i believe that i would still meet the love of my life, and then i wouldn't have to hold back.
i find it harder to express love to the people i love most.
i love my friends and family. but it's them who i take for granted the most.
when forced to admit my emotions in public, i get defensive by getting angry.
i tend to over-think a lot of things, which is why i usually find it hard to sleep at night.
most of the time, i would like to escape. but i'm more afraid of facing the consequences later on.
i am currently lost, and confused.
i am tired.
i will sleep.
it started with my friend Jam posting links to his old blog posts on twitter. that's when i realized how much i miss reading my friends's blogs. with almost everyone on twitter and facebook now, blogging is almost dead (unless you do it for a living).
anyway, i've decided to check up on this old blog of mine and realized it's been dead for more than a year now. i did attempt to revive it a few times in the last year, but my posts always end up as drafts. heck, i'm not even sure if this post would ever be published.
but i do have some things i'd like to write about that would require more than 140 characters. especially now that i suffer from bouts of homesickness, i feel like this is another venue for me to reach out and connect to people who would still listen (or read, whatever). well then, let's see what happens from here on.
