something for me by 2015

there was an episode in How I Met Your Mother called "Trilogy Time" where Ted and Marshall made this tradition of watching the Star Wars trilogy every three years. every time, they dreamed of how life would be much better for them by the next trilogy schedule. but as we all know, reality doesn't always align with expectations. and by 2012, Ted stopped dreaming of that better future.

now, i found this old post i wrote three years ago in my drafts and i realized that most of them are still true. so like Ted, i can't help but think about how the rest of the world and my friends seem to be moving forward except for me. and to be honest, i'm starting to feel as hopeless as him.

my life was in a rut for the past years that's why i decided to move to Singapore. but just like that, almost 8 months already passed by since i got here and still not much has changed in my life. i know that i'm the one who is supposed to drive that change. my friends never failed in giving me advice on how to go about it. but i still find myself stuck and unable to move forward. i've always been a coward. i'm afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone.

three years from now, i wonder if anything will change. would i find that bottle of courage somewhere along the way? or would i still be the same 28-year old me stuck in a 34-year old's body? experience is telling me to bet on the latter. though deep inside of me, i would still like to hope for the best.

====================================

i am 28 years old and most of the time i feel old. though sometimes i reject the expectations that come with the age thinking that i am not ready for them yet.
i have always thought that at 28, i'd be "retired" from work and would be moving on to my dream vocation.
when i was younger, i did not dream of becoming a doctor, or someone powerful. i dreamed of becoming a housewife.

my dream career would be something related to performance arts or entertainment.
i love to dance but is disappointed that i did not really pursue it and did not improve.
i am frustrated of having only the skills to learn a lot of the basics, but not have the capacity to excel at anything.

i am single right now. i am not looking, but i am waiting for him to come.
i am a coward. i am afraid of many things, like the dark or of heights or taking risks. but i am most afraid of being alone.
i can overcome my fears if i have someone to push me and who believes in me.
i have trust issues, which sometimes translates to commitment issues.

i have fallen in love with several boys and men, but i would only admit and own up to two.
i believe that my past relationships failed because deep in my heart i did not believe they would succeed.
i believe that i would still meet the love of my life, and then i wouldn't have to hold back.

i find it harder to express love to the people i love most.
i love my friends and family. but it's them who i take for granted the most.
when forced to admit my emotions in public, i get defensive by getting angry.

i tend to over-think a lot of things, which is why i usually find it hard to sleep at night.
most of the time, i would like to escape. but i'm more afraid of facing the consequences later on.

i am currently lost, and confused.
i am tired.
i will sleep.

adventures of a first-time driver

so i've been taking driving lessons these past 3 days and i'm already halfway through the "course". my decision to seriously learn how to drive was a bit spontaneous. i decided last Monday to take a leave on Thursday, to get my student permit (and do some errands). that day also, i enrolled in a driving school and my first lesson was last Saturday. see, you get things done when you decide to do them the last minute. anyway, i'll say this is really my first time to drive. back in college, my friend Vincent tried to teach me using his Volkswagen, and i would argue that that is not counted. we would only drive in UP for about 500m and i don't think i went past 20kph nor first gear. now the accelerator of the VW was "high" that i'd need to step on it almost halfway through before it would start moving. so i was quite surprised when i tried driving another car, which unfortunately was Hombre's car. :D it just happened once, we were in Pisay and i almost killed someone from Batch 97 in the volleyball court/parking lot. i wasn't really taught how to break properly (nuninu...) so the only thing that stopped me (or the car) was the engine dying. that is actually the last time i was in the driver seat too. i was sort of traumatized and scared for almost hitting someone (yes, i have a conscience too). and i'm sure i scared Hombre and Cris (who i think was also in the car) too since they wouldn't stop shouting and cursing. (i'm so so sorry!) now i have learned my lesson and gotten over the experience. and i have decided that maybe the best way to learn is to pay someone 700 an hour to "lend" me his car and teach me to drive without shouting regardless of what mistake i do. and so far:

• first day: i learned to be very good with the brake this time. i still find the gas pedal too sensitive though so i believe i wasted too much gas. engine died on me twice in about 20 times i have to start from a stopped position.
• second day: i sorta learned to park backwards. not sure if i can do it without the instructor though. hehe! engine died on me thrice in about 40+ attempts but i still use too much gas when i'm starting.
• third day: i spent about 30 minutes getting out of ayala avenue. engine died on me twice also but considering that i had to drive through heavy traffic (with many many stops), that's already an improvement. i don't think i wasted as much gas as yesterday but it was still a bit excessive. i was taught to do a U-turn via 2-point turn and 3-point turn. he also taught me to move from a hanging position, but i don't really think i really learned that. the unfortunate event is he had to pull the handbrake on me twice. :( first time was somewhere in ayala, when a bus moved to my lane (it's hard to gauge how long it is). and the second time was just a minute before our lessons ended, it was already somewhere in glorietta and i almost hit the rear of a taxi. both times he did not raise his voice... man, i admire that kind of patience.

so that last handbrake incident depressed me a bit. i felt like a lost in some sort of game and i think the last time i felt something like that is when i played my best character in DoTA and we ended up losing. the only thing that is cheering me up a bit is thinking that there are still some guys my age who don't really know how to drive yet (sino nga ba? if you are one of those guys, please let me know and make me happy). i am competitive and i am taking this very seriously... i will not lose! now.. i wonder if my father would let me take measurements and draw lines on the hood of his Vios so i would have a better perspective of that front side from the driver's seat. i guess that would be my project this weekend.

okay, i'm in a better mood now

i miss my friends so much. and it's been great that i got to spend some time with them last weekend. spent saturday afternoon watching wolverine and playing bowling with my college friends dennis, kiko, trishah and her husband john. then i met up with jae at starbucks to just talk. i met up with ria yesterday and we had a great time at The Spa. when i got home i spent like 4 hours talking on the phone with luz. i missed some sleep but it was well worth it. quarter-life/mid-life crisis is temporarily on hold. :D -------------------------------------------------- i'm supposed to be leaving for hongkong next week. but due to the swine flu pandemic, my brother is now suggesting we reschedule it. i don't know if we will or what. but have you seen this??? -------------------------------------------------- oh, and i'll be returning the rock band later to my friend. so good bye to swollen hands now. i should probably go home early and say good bye to it "properly". but this is interesting for those rock band addicts! this is your chance to shine! :D

achooo!!! sniff sniff...

i can't remember when is the last time i had a cold AND cough at the same time. i'm miserable. my nose hurts. when i cough i sound like a dog. all day i feel like sneezing pero syempre hindi natutuloy. can you imagine how much that hurts? my eyes are tearing like crazy. and it's very hard to sleep. i have to be half-sitting just to get some shut-eye (as in 45-degree angle. thank goodness for my 5 pillows). and i miss food! or rather, i miss tasting food! did i say i'm miserable? i'm sooo miserable. and i'm hungry. anyway, just ranting. be careful to not catch what i have.

dahil nami-miss ko nang mag-blog

sobra sobrang toxic lately. tinatawanan na nga ako ng friends ko kasi nag-remark ako minsan, "pumasok ako ngayon (holiday) para di ko na ako papasok sa sabado." apparently maraming mali dun sa statement na yun. anyway, iniisip ko na lang na dapat matapos na ito kaagad at naghihintay na ang aking 1 month leave. ------------------------------------------------------------ i miss my friends. a few weeks before nung homecoming, i meet up with friends almost everyday. di bale nang magastos. but since busy lately, i barely get to see anyone anymore. pag may oras kasi, kelangan yata itulog ko na lang. nami-miss ko na rin matulog eh. ------------------------------------------------------------ hmmmm... mukhang kelangan ko na uli maggupit ng kuko. sana matuloy. excited na ako! :D ------------------------------------------------------------ sigh.. mukhang hindi na ako makakapanood ng west-side story. sorry ola and lino. ------------------------------------------------------------ speaking of musicals, at dahil sa kapapanood ko ng Animax, gusto ko sana makapanood ng Muscle Musical. unfortunately, sa Japan at Las Vegas lang may show. ------------------------------------------------------------ "o kay tagal din kitang minahal..." - Burnout by Sugarfree ayan, tapos na.

it's october...

... which means that the year is about to end. and i have not yet done or achieved anything that makes sense this year! if i try to answer these questions again, wala akong masasagot na maganda. what happened to my 2008?

anlabooooooooo

kung wala kang pakialam, eh bat sobra mong pinag-iisipan? leche flan!

quick survey: if...

... there's only song that you can play, which came out between 1994 to 1998, what song would that be? i am freaking out here! our batch was tasked (or should i say "forced"?) to play as an opening act to the hired band for our homecoming on Sept 6th. given the very little time that we have left, and considering that we could only get a handful of people to be involved in this mini-project, i found myself filling up some "holes" again (like acting as participant in our last mini-project). well, the hole this time is a slot on the batch band. i used to play the drums in my high school band, Invictus. and i enjoyed those times tremendously. but i'm hesitant this time because i haven't touched a drum set in 9 years!!! and i'm supposed to learn 2 new songs in two weeks??! *panic attack, hyperventilating* what's more scary is that the drums is the only loudest instrument in the band. if i mess up, it's going to be very very VERY obvious. huhuhu! the pressure. and it's not like i really know how to play the drums. i can play some beats but that's all. before, when our band will be playing a new song, i always get the "lessons" from old classmates like Crisanto and Joel (and from my kalayaan roommate Astrid when i played once in college). now, where are my mentors??? well, i've been trying to get out of the band and looking for a way to help them in just some other manner. i'm trying to get someone else to play the drums, or maybe i could play some other instrument (but like what? i haven't played the guitar in a long time too, and i can't sing... anyway, different issue). but anyway, worst-case scenario is that they settle with me. anyway, enough rant and back to the survey... our batch band is supposed to play one song of our choice, and another song requested by Batch 83 (head of the jubilarian committee). personally, i want to play something that came out when we were in high school. but i cannot seem to think of one song where most of the batch could relate. i even revisited one of my oldest blog to get some ideas, but most of these songs are not really "band-playing material". and our first jamming session is about one hour from now. nuninu.... so what do you think? any suggestions?

bad craving

ever since i started living alone, i got into this bad habit of just leaving the TV on while i continue doing other things (like working at home... another "bad" habit but i think that's a completely different issue). my channel of choice is Animax. i don't really pay attention to any of the shows when i'm doing something else, but every now and then i'll get a glimpse of what's showing. too bad when i looked up this time, the anime was showing one of the main characters eating a pizza. the pizza was badly drawn though, and for some reason that badly-drawn pizza reminded me of cheese pie. and now i am craving for cheese pie! (what the heck?!??!) do you guys know this cheese pie? it's a thin pie. it's texture is similar to the bottom part of the egg-pie (so the dough mainly). and i don't really know if they even use cheese to make it, because i don't remember the "cheese taste" very well anymore. i think the last time i had one was way back in high school or early college. and i think it comes from some province somewhere. it's not even that good, but i find it addicting. and i am really craving for cheese pie now! and what's even worse is i don't know where to get it so i have no way to abate this craving. :( does anyone know where i can get cheese pie???

hero or fool?

Today, i was on my way to Starbucks in Valero as i was not getting any more work done at my apartment without coffee. I had my laptop, my bag, dressed very comfortably which may just indicate that i live in the vicinity, and i was alone. Just a few steps away from Starbucks, a guy walking on the opposite direction (towards me) stopped me and asked for help. He's asking if he was in Salcedo Village or Legaspi Village. Of course, i was willing to answer and give directions, saying that we're in Salcedo, and Legaspi is on the opposite side of Ayala Avenue, blah blah. He looked like a fairly decent and educated guy. He was talking to me in English the whole time saying he's a balikbayan and it's his first time in Makati. He seemed very distressed, saying he's been lost the whole time (since 9am, and it was already 5.30pm when we met). He introduced himself, Andrew Smith, and he said he's staying in Ayala Alabang. He was supposed to meet some friends and/or family in Legaspi park at 10am but he was lost. And he doesn't know how to contact them since he does not have their number and he's still using his Verizon number. And all this time we were talking, he seemed like he was about to cry. Ok, so my heart goes for the poor guy and i was thinking i'm even willing to walk with him to Legaspi park so he won't get lost anymore. But somehow i feel very uneasy with the pity story. Then he asked if i could lend him some money so he can just take a cab back to his place in Ayala Alabang. That's when the warning bells in my head started getting louder. He said further that he only had a "few useless Philippine coins" which he "does not even recognize". And he's going to pay me tomorrow, asking me what's my name and where he can find me. So what am i supposed to do? Sigh... I gave the guy 250 (or it could be 270) pesos, saying that's all the cash i had even though he was asking for about US $10. I think i even said "sorry" because that's all i can give, and he seemed grateful. And then i said good luck, and we parted. And so, now that i'm supposed to be working, i can't help but feel a bit guilty. I feel guilty that i was so distrusting. Although my common sense is saying that it may have been a modus operandi and he was just trying to swindle some money out of me, well what if it wasn't? What if he really needed help, and i helped so half-heartedly? About 2 years ago, an old roommate of mine met a mother and child pair near our place. The mother was begging for some money in order to buy some medicine for her child, and to buy a bus ticket back home to their province. He asked how much the ticket was, and if i remember correctly they said it was about 200 pesos. My old roommate only had a 500 bill that time, so he brought the mother and child to the Mercury Drug outlet near our place and fell in line to buy medicine. But the line was long and my roommate got impatient, so he just gave the money to the mother, wished them well and left them in the store. As he was telling me what happened later that day, i can't help but think that it was a modus operandi, and that as far as i know, it has been going on for a long time. But my roommate was proud and really happy that he was able to help, and i didn't have to heart to even suggest that he was just fooled. So which one of us is better? One who is either a complete hero or a complete fool, or one who is neither one? I don't care about the money that i gave away, whether that man's story was true or not. But i feel sad that i am so reluctant in giving help because i'm afraid to be fooled. And the even sadder truth is, it seems to be a relatively normal behavior now for people to be this skeptic. Why do we think this way? Why is it so hard to just give help?

drunken post

so 3 months and 10 days later, i lost a bet i had with myself. what did i lose? damn pride. i blame my iPod which i recently "lent" to my sister. ------------------------------------------------------------ why is it so good to drunk dial? i always have the urge to drunk dial (whenever i'm drunk, duh). however, i've never ever went through with it. i always chicken out about 10 seconds after i press the call button. so it's either i don't get connected at all, or i hang up after a ring or two. ------------------------------------------------------------ sigh, it's so sad that a lot of my friends are sad. and i've always been the type of person who never knows what to say. i wish to be the kind of person who'll be able to say the things people want and need to hear. i wish there's something more i can do than just listen. bleh... grown up life. "bakit ang mga kaibigan natin, sobrang adult-type na yung mga problema nila? ako, pang-teenybopper pa rin yung mga problema ko eh!" says jae. sometimes i feel like that too. oh but really, i'd rather have teenybopper-type of problems. ------------------------------------------------------------ i've been watching too much anime lately... slam dunk, kyou kara maoh, and now fruits basket. by doing so, i realized i like the silent-and-bit-cold-hearted-bordering-on-mean-but-must-be-at-least-cute type of guy. i.e. Rukawa of Slam Dunk or Yuki of Fruits Basket. i wish they exist in real life. and i wish i was back in high school. ------------------------------------------------------------ i'm hungry, and sleepy. so i now choose to sleep... zzz... good night, world! P.S. i'm leaving for Hong Kong on thursday. now i'm a bit excited. happy independence day everyone!

i never thought i am already in that stage in my life...

... where you attend a sort-of family reunion, and your relatives ask you "aren't you getting married yet?". and when you say "no", you get that nagging "well you better hurry. it's going to be hard to get pregnant and be pregnant when you're older. you only have til you're 33... blah blah... how old are you again?". wtf?!??!

moving.. yet again

yes, i have to move again. and this thing in my life happens almost as often as my birthday. no one is "kicking" me out this time though. and i can still choose to stay... but at the expense of a 10% rent increase. and it's not like i'm not paying big enough already! freakin' capitalism. well i thought that with what i am paying now plus the increase, i might just get a better place. something good and cheaper will also be great. but that also means pain-in-the-ass-apartment hunting again. sigh... how i wish i am just insanely rich (or someone who knows how to save) and could just buy a place, and rid myself of this "problem" once and for all! anyway, i'm looking for a place, and housemates (i just need a room of my own. but i still prefer people around). however, i doubt that you could uproot me from makati, so a place in makati is a requirement. hehe! anyway, help please!! oh also, i intend to just enter some condominiums here in the area and directly ask if there are any units available and such. anyone wants to have a walk around salcedo village with me? :)

valentine post

since it is valentine's day, and i feel like a girl with what i'm wearing, then i'll be sappy and do something i haven't done in a while... post a song! tee hee hee! i used to accompany each blog post with some lines from a song. i don't remember anymore when and why i stopped doing it. but anyway, i just think this is quite fit for the occasion, and i am in the mood to be un-cynic for this day. ;) ------------------------------------- Staying home alone on a Friday Flat on the floor looking back On old love, or lack thereof After all the crushes are faded And all my wishful thinking was wrong I'm jaded, I hate it I'm tired of being alone So hurry up and get here So tired of being alone So hurry up and get here Get here Searching all my days just to find you I'm not sure who I'm looking for I'll know it, when I see you Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom Staying up all night just to write A love song for no one I'm tired of being alone So hurry up and get here So tired of being alone So hurry up and get here I could have met you in a sandbox I could have passed you on the sidewalk Could I have missed my chance And watched you walk away? Oh no way I'm tired of being alone So hurry up and get here I'm so tired of being alone So hurry up and get here You'll be so good You'll be so good for me - Love Song For No One by John Mayer ------------------------------------- but seriously, what if your person is someone you've sat next to in a restaurant, or someone you've passed by at the mall? how will you meet them then?

my pre-birthday blog

in about a month, i'm turning 27. and ever since i wrote this blog years ago, and after jam and pat made those comments, becoming 27 has become the age to remember for me. ok, people might be commenting i'm becoming morbid again. but i am becoming a bit morbid because i'm turning 27 soon, and i have not been able to get that blog out of my mind. :P -------------------------------------------------- for the past 2 years, around the time of my birthday, i try to write a blog about my life. i obviously never got to finish and publish them, but they will be revealed now! february 28, 2006

"i can't believe i'm turning 25 in 2 days. i'm a quarter-of-a-century old! i always thought that by 25, i'll be accomplished, successful and content. but really, that moment seems so far away now. heck, i even thought i'll be getting married by 26. 26 years seems like a long enough time to go through relationships and find the person you can spend the rest of your life with, right?? well for some people, it might be enough. but not for me..."

march 5, 2007

"when i was about 13 years old, i planned out my life. i wanted to have my first boyfriend and first kiss at 16. it's because i wanted to have one while i'm in high school (because HS was so great and full of "kilig" moments), but i wanted to have it later in high school so i won't get "distracted". i didn't even take into consideration that we might end up in different universities. i wanted to be an engineer. i wanted to have that title placed before my very long name. i wanted to work "in the field" and not be stuck in an office all day. i wanted to accomplish something, and come up with a product that would change or deeply impact people's lives. then, i planned on getting married at age 26, and have my first kid when i'm 28. and i was also hoping that i'll marry my first boyfriend. but of course, we have to break up first, then i'll have 2 more other boyfriends, and then i'll meet first boyfriend again and fall in love again. then i'll quit my job to be a full-time housewife and live happily ever after. yes, that was a great plan, a kid's plan. so the first boyfriend and first kiss came 5 years later, i ended up loving software instead and became a programmer (meaning no "fields" for me), and i am now 26 and still very much unattached. the old plan is not working very well as expected, what now?"

so basically, every year i rant about how my plans never worked out and my life isn't what i thought it would be. and i think i am already past that stage where i can still pick it up and continue to try to make it work. i am not sad of letting go of this dream that i had as a child. but since i am no longer looking forward to anything, i feel greatly uninspired. i just don't have to drive to prepare for a future when i do not know what kind of future i want to have. this is also why i am such a big fan of living in the present, and would also greatly explain why i have nothing saved up. :p -------------------------------------------------- well for now, my goal is to travel the country. i think it is about time i see those sights in the postcards available in our souvenir shops. hopefully at least this year, i will get to see:

1. Banawe Rice Terraces
2. Mayon Volcano
3. Chocolate Hills of Bohol
4. Palawan

i need a travel buddy though. anyone interested? :)

i really should blog...

about the last musical play i saw, Avenue Q, and how "there's a fine fine line between love and a waste of time." about the zipping class i took last Wednesday with J and how i am liking it even if i've only tried it once. and i'd really like to dance again, and try on a new sport. about my new TV show obsession, How I Met Your Mother, and the funny things in life that it reminds you of. how it made me realize, for one, that i love being the person people go to bitch to (not "bitch about"), and how it'd be nice to find the person i'd love bitch to (not "bitch about"). and most of all, how it'd be funny, annoying and awesome at the same time to have a friend like Barney. about Gary and Dyan's wedding last Friday, and how i almost ended up with the bride's bouquet. that i found it funny to realize that i was the only "eligible contestant" in our table for the toss. and i thank my sort-of old basketball skills which enabled me to catch that last rose and saved me from the "higher, higher" garter tradition. how the girls with me in the table, Ria and Hannah, were talking about babies, their babies (!), and how it made me realize that we really are getting old and it made me think if i'm sort of late already for this rat race called "family life". but then i see the guys with us and can't help but notice how they have not changed since high school so maybe it hasn't been that long or it isn't late at all. about how it makes me sad that my best friends are moving somewhere far and so it would be much harder now to meet up, catch up and see them. how i would miss them sleeping over in my place on Friday night, watching DVDs even if half of them already feel asleep halfway through it, and how they'd wake me up before 8am on Saturday which makes me hate them. but of course they know how much i love them. and finally about how i think i am ready for phase 4, i'm just scared to admit it. well, let's see what happens.

i need an alternate life

i am currently bored with my life. nothing new is happening and this is supposed to be when i am enjoying it the most. wouldn't it be fun if you could pick out from your character the traits that you like and just live as that person? that also means that you could remove traits that you have that are bringing you down. like at this moment in my life, i just want to be the outgoing, generous, "kaladkarin", astig and game me. then i'll temporarily unload the conservative, sensitive, insecure, high maintenance and caring-too-much-what-other-people-think me. then i'll drive my friends mad until they agree to join me in doing everything i want. maybe we could go to a club and dance on the bar. talk to a cute stranger or go on a blind date. go to the airport and take the next flight out. buy a car on a whim or hitch a ride. join a reality show. change careers. ask to TRY 10 different flavors of ice cream and not buy one afterwards. sigh, i hate being an adult. still, i have to ask... anyone up for a week of alternate life?

mostly on the bottom part of the wheel lately

yeah? ok first, i have to move out again. this would be my 4th move in my 4-years of working life. why? coz someone else just bought the unit we're renting and they, the new owners, won't rent it out. i have to find a new place before April ends. and looking around with no car is definitely a pain in the A. anyway, thanks to Ryan for patiently playing my bodyguard, now we know what his 6-ft stature is for. secondly, i've been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. it's not that serious, but i have to avoid most of my favorite things in life, which really stinks. like coffee for instance; i just went from 2-3 cups of "12" to 1 cup of "6" per day; this is to lessen the palpitations. i have to minimize my sugar intake also, which translates to chocolates (waah!), so i don't get too hyperactive. and last but definitely not the least, i can NOT/must NOT eat crabs, shrimps and other shelled sea food since they are rich in iodine, which i assume i must lessen (no iodized salt then too!). my FT4 (i think that's the enzyme being secreted by the thyroid) are 4 times the normal level and i have to take medication for AT LEAST a month. after a month, they'll take my blood again to check my FT4 level and adjust the meds as necessary. until then, no crabs and no heavy exercise (but i insist on playing badminton and take my hiphop dance classes). on the bright side, i intend to take advantage of this anomaly, try to lose more weight, having summer time as my excuse to do so. but since i can't exercise as much, i picture i'd be thin yet still flabby. yuck! anyway, in case you were wondering, i apparently have most of the symptoms already, i just didn't think they were related...

• i am hyperactive (but you all know that's really natural for me)
• i can eat a lot (and i mean, a LOT) and not gain weight easily, i can lose weight easily also
• i always feel hot (even when everybody's shivering, at night i sleep with the aircon and fan on)
• my fingers and hands are slightly trembling (i just thought i was pasmado, without the sweating)
• i get tired easily, and always catching my breath (i wheeze, yuck!)
• i have trouble sleeping at night, but honestly Jonas' Sleepasil usually works

if you feel any of these symptoms, you might want to have you thyroid glands checked. also, if you feel the opposite of these symptoms (like gaining weight easily, feeling cold, etc..), you might want to have you thyroids checked also for hypothyroidism. anyway, hopefully in the next weeks or so, i'll get back to the top of the wheel again. and i'm hoping that would include a new apartment, and a more manageable thyroid problem, among other things. i'm almost there, i could feel it. but a push up from you is always welcome, so let me thank you in advance.

doing the "right" thing makes you a bad person

i don't understand why most people don't take "deadlines" seriously anymore. it's a different thing altogether if there really is nothing you can do anymore to make it. but if all you have to do is put in a very little bit more effort and time every now and then... then why not do it??? maybe i'm just affected because i feel i'm the only one who is taking it very seriously and is "sacrificing". and by venting here, i feel like a tattletale who just told her teacher that i caught my bestfriend cheating on our last exam. pwe! very bad indeed...

yeah yeah

sh*t! happy new year...? yeah whatever!