one of those days

i really try not to rant or be so pathetic in blogs anymore. maybe that's why i don't blog anymore. but i'm having one of those days, where i feel pathetic already anyway. so what the heck? i'm hoping writing it will help me make me feel better. i just have to let it out right? and is there a better audience than xxxx strangers in the world wide web? well.. no. i still don't feel better. okay, let's just try again tomorrow.

the bad thing about living alone is that we you get that rare pang of loneliness, then it gets really lonely. when do i get to the part when i'll stop caring? ok, emo again. i hate feeling emo.

i wish i have a passion. i wish there is something that i really want and cannot live without so i can just go after it. until now i don't know if i want the situation i am. sino ba talaga? ano na ba talaga? do i really want to be in this career? is it the one for me? do i really want to get married and be a housewife? or do i just want to be a housewife because i don't think i want to do what i am doing forever? what do i want? well, all i know right now is that i am getting tired of waiting. i want to be certain. i want to know my future now. i'm already standing on the side of the river. on the other end, i don't know which parts of me will remain. of course on that end, i'm just hoping the way will be clearer. to cross, i just have to have the courage. the problem is, i also don't know if i want to have that courage.

idlip

i'm tired, sleepy, stressed and lonely. i hate this day. i wish i could sleep for a long time. "...in the arms of make-belive, sleep will set you free..." - Imago