the evil in me

hey ***! i've been feeling real lousy lately. not sad.. . just lousy. 2nd case of QLC? well i must be 50 already! that would solve my previous problem then. i'm feeling this void in me, like i've lost something real important or missed something really great or did something really wrong. and though i *probably* know what's making me feel this way, there are no right words that can tell the story. anyway, i've been looking through my blog drafts and found this. it feels right to post it now. maybe this way i can sort out my feelings better and you'll understand. and i'll understand. and i won't feel bad anymore. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Created: Aug 3, 2005 3:16 AM i'm finally getting over this quarter-life crisis. i still haven't decided what i want to do with my career though. hehe! but i find that issue the least important at the moment. when i was undergoing my QLC, i was mostly angry. little things irritate me and i didn't care who i hurt. i hated my world. and i was hardest and harshest(?) to my closest friends. i realized... there were things in the past that have offended me, but i did not speak. and these things filled me up and i wanted revenge on everyone. anger was my excuse to release the evil in me. i am not a kind person, but i easily learn to care and love someone. when i love you, i will love you forever. but the more i love you, the harder it is to bear with me. it's because i ask you to be more understanding. *edit* and i thought, that of all people, you'll understand me most.

"things are never quite as scary when you have your bestfriend.."

if for some reason, you plan on giving me a gift (it's still my birth month anyway), then no need to fret because i'm easy to please. if you want to make me sooo happy though, you can give me a Calvin and Hobbes book. :) i've always loved this book but it was just recently that i decided to collect them. so far i have the: - Calvin and Hobbes Lazy Sunday Book - Something Under the Bed is Drooling - The Days are Just Packed - It's a Magical World And it's quite a collection too, because out of these 4 books, i only bought 1. the rest were gifts! yey! :D "it's hard to be mad at someone who misses you while you sleep"

a bunch of munchkins

Choco-Butternut:

happy birthday bestfriend!

have a great one, Mark! God bless you always! :)

Choco-Honey Dipped: i finally got my baby too!

isn't she cute? it was an unplanned purchase (long story) but i'm glad now i got it. i'll be poor for the rest of the month though... huhu... treats are much welcome. i just got the black silicon case yesterday. it's much prettier without the case, but at least she's safe now (*trying to remember how many times i dropped my phone*). And of course, i just had to put JJH's (of My Sassy Girl) very sexy Giordano Commercial. If you wanna see the whole thing, just IM me. Now i'm converting CSI and Friends episodes. Yey! Strawberry-Filled: i saw her picture. she looked so happy and she's happy, right? i do miss her. Bavarian-Filled: i hate having a cold. you feel real lousy but unlike the flu, measles, chickenpox, or any other non-fatal sickness, you have no excuse to stop doing what you have to be doing. they still make you go to work or school, it's just a cold. but you know that the only thing that would make you feel better is lie down, have soup and watch tv all day. *sigh* and great, now i have the cough too. Sugar Raised: i need a movie buddy. any takers? :D my "movie date" is not a fan and i am, obviously, the opposite. Last February, i didn't get to see any movie at all (i missed all the good movies!! huhu!). After Narnia, next movie i saw is V for Vendetta. i just saw it just last night and it was pretty good. Next, i wanna see is Rent (i have to still see it in the big screen), Nanny McPhee and North Country. Anything else showing soon? Tell me!

------------------------------------------------- so there, i'll have 5 of each, please. thanks! :)

happy birthday to me

First of all: Thank you to everyone who greeted me and wished me well for my birthday. Thank you na rin sa mga babati pa lang. :D ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So there, just like that, i'm a quarter-of-a-century old now. I'll say that this latest birthday is the least special and most boring one yet i've had in 25 years. No celebration (yet?), not much anticipation (di katulad ng dati, new year pa lang alam kong malapit na yung birthday ko), no gimmick on birthday night (and i had carinderia food for dinner, pathetic?), no surprises and no something special. Well wishes and greetings are the only things that reminded me it was birthday. Heck, a lot of people who mattered didn't even greet me. It was a little sad... no, not sad.. just disappointing. I hope birthdays won't be like christmases, wherein it becomes less special as you grow older. I hate to think that someday i'll feel that my birthday is just like any other day. Birthday ko yun e! di ba dapat ako yung star? kulang na siguro ako sa pansin.. hmm... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- well there, i'm 25 now. when i was younger, i thought that by this time in my life, i'll be successful, mature and content. i even thought that i'll be married by 26 which is suppose to place me in a long-term and stable relationship right now. i'm just not a fan of whirlwind romance though i doubt it'll even happen to me (and yeah, "whirlwind" means 1-yr or less). somehow, turning 25 makes me think of my so-called lovelife. let's see, this is how my past relationships (suitors, flings, M.U, boyfriend/s) stand now: 2 are married, 1 is getting married, 2 are in long-term relationships, 1 is alive somehow somewhere i dont care to know, 1 is around but already blew his chance, 1 who i really can't work with now, and 1 who is hard to place. I saw "Something's Gotta Give" last night in HBO. And i felt for Diane Keaton. You see my problem is: I really like Keanu Reeves, he's everything a woman could ask for. But for some weird workings of the universe, i still fall for Jack Nicholson. And my greatest problem is i'm not Diane Keaton, i'm not yet 50!

first day

it's my first day at work here in my new company. i've been here since 7:30a (no, i was not excited. nagkamali lang ako ng tingin sa relo.) and i'm out of here in 30 minutes. well, what can i say about my first day? it was f*#@E$ boring! i have no project yet, nothing to do, no boss and everyone else were busy with their own projects, therefore i hardly have anyone to talk to. first day blues. i never thought i'd ever look forward to start working. but i remain optimistic that there'll be so much more to learn and love. optimistic despite the downgrade of my work pc, the lack of privacy and leg space, the small desk chairs, the lack of ministop or afternoon breaks, the lack of sofa so you can sleep in the middle of the day, the lack of music and most of all, the lack of games. but HEY, i get free brewed coffee, 40-peso lunch meals, time and money saved from commuting, cardio-exercise from walking, fast internet connection and no more frickin' websense, mark, et and chris, and.. well, presence. i really hope that i'll learn to love this new job as much as i loved the old one. yun lang. (alis na ako. punta pa ako dating office para mag-dota e.)