can't sleep

my sleeping pattern is so messed up. it started last week when i kept staying up late (my own fault really), and then having to wake up early to be not late for work. i'm really making an effort this time to not be late. that and i usually have meetings scheduled at 9 or 10 in the morning. and then on Friday night, my friend Lino brought his Rockband to the apartment. we played until 5 or 6 in the morning so i slept until 2p in the afternoon. and that's what did it for my body clock. right now i feel like it's only around midnight, but the sun is about to come out soon. ----------------------------------------- so Lino was willing to lend me his Rockband until next weekend. i think this is his way of convincing me to buy one also, so he can borrow another guitar when he needs one. hehehe! but that is fine with me! i played so much drums this night though that my hand is sort of swollen. maybe i'll just play the guitars next time. ----------------------------------------- anyway, the reason i've been staying up late these past few days is because of a guy... he sure can dance, he plays the piano, he can be silly and funny, and he writes. i'm not in love WITH him. but it's the idea of him that i am in love with (does that make sense to you? i hope so.) but it makes me wonder if people like him grow on this side of the world. for some reason it makes me think of that line Jae quoted on his blog: "the world is too big for love to be real." so i'm becoming more cynical and believing in it more every day. hehehe! ----------------------------------------- anyway, i'm starting to lose the ability to type, and think. or maybe the typing is due to the swollen fingers. but that's it for now. i will lie down, try to sleep, and think if i should move to California, in that order. good night (or morning) world!

panaginip

cast:

• Jam, Luz, Allen and Angel
• ET, J and Mapet
• another ex-officemate
• Gev from So You Think You Can Dance Season 4
• Piolo Pascual

setting:

• a school... i think a dance school

the story:

• i have a boyfriend named Jap or Jaz who is supposed to be one of the SYTYCD Top 5 guys. he is almost blind
• we had a fight. i cried. he used the line "i think i'm just a curiosity to you" and i remember thinking "wtf! this is from the movie i was watching last night!". and i said "that's not how i feel!" which is also a line from that same movie (can you guess the movie?)
• there was some sort of graduation going on in the school where girl scouts of all levels were there
• there was room with Luz, Angel and Mapet. i went there with my boyfriend and i asked for tissue to blow my nose
• my boyfriend was sent to the principal's office for entering the girl's room
• i waited by the school entrance and had a talk with ET about... umm... work
• we saw Gev in a waiting shed and i asked him what he was doing at school when it's supposed to be summer vacation and he's supposed to be in Russia
• Jam, Luz and Allen were there also in the waiting shed
• Gev said he had a fight with his boyfriend so he wasn't able to leave
• Jam drove Gev's car from the waiting shed to the school entrance. i thought "does Jam have a driver's license?"
• I asked Gev who else in the SYTYCD guys are gay. he mentioned some names. i asked him if Jap/Jaz was gay and he said no. i said, "well that's good to know since he's my boyfriend"
• Gev mentioned that ***** was gay, where ***** is the name of an old officemate of mine. i was so surprised that i said very loudly "***** is gay?!?!"
• ET and J were laughing because i didn't know. they knew
• five seconds later, ***** was there. he gave me a look that he heard what i said. he was with Piolo
• i got tense. i was so embarrassed and scared
• then a lot of people approached Gev. one by one, they gave him shots of vodka and tequila, etc. which he cannot decline. he must drink them all. it's like he was being punished for what he told me. i was just beside him and i wanted to take the drinks for him but i can't
• the whole time, Piolo was giving us dagger looks. i could see his reflection in the window i was facing
• i thought "where the hell is my boyfriend?!? we have to get out of here!"
• i started to panic... really panic
• then i thought "isn't this a dream? i'm probably dreaming."

and i woke up.

every thing started once upon a time, long long ago...

... and if that was really the end, well it was indeed a "happily ever after" ending. i think the best thing for me really is seeing them all together on stage and having fun. of course the performance and the songs were a big bonus, but i would always love their music. unlike the last reunion concert, this one had more "life". they were talking to the audience. they were talking to each other. and sobrang kukulit nila! unlike the last one, eto parang hindi pilit. hindi parang binayaran lang talaga sila para mag-perform. it seems like they were there, playing music together, because they REALLY want to! nakakaiyak sa tuwa. my fave moments are:

• marcus's version of "Huwag mo na itanong"
• raim's performance of "Slo mo". syempre sobrang kinilig ako dun sa part na nagtabi sila ni ely and nag-a-act sila in slow motion
• ely's performance of "Kailan". sobrang nakaka-in love and i especially like yung singit na "i love you too, pare" na hirit (which i have to thank mapet's friend for. hehe!)
• their performance of "Superproxy" followed by the chorus of "Kaleidoscope World" as tribute to FrancisM. it was very sad and touching moment...
• nakakaiyak din marinig yung "Minsan". i hope that's how they feel about it each other now, at the very least.
• the "group hug" of sorts in the end

my only regret is not getting the 5k VIP ticket. that extra 2k would have been worth it! if i could have my birthday wish, then that wish would be for them to play music again together. hindi kelangang concert, hindi kelangang as "eraserheads". but i think they appear together so often in gigs with their new bands anyway, they could always call on each other and perform/have fun on stage. they do that usually already with other people in the industry, so why not with each other. i wish they have that kind of relationship back. but anyway... right now, i would really want to hug each of them and thank them for that wonderful saturday night. it brought me back to the best years of my life. salamat sa soundtrack ng buhay ko na ginawa nyo. i love you, mga pare!

the birthday blog

first of all, thanks to everyone who greeted me through text or email or facebook. and thanks to everyone who took the time to celebrate my birthday with me. :) so for those who were asking or just curious, my birthday celebration is going well so far. and no, the celebration itself is not yet over... it always takes me a whole week to "celebrate". :D unlike last year (and though i wanted to), i was not able to have a birthday party this year. mostly because my birthday fell on the worst day of the week, which is Monday. i cannot celebrate the weekend before because i have a wedding to attend to. and i cannot celebrate the weekend after because i'll definitely be spending that time in MOA watching the Eraserheads concert. another reason is i already spent my birthday party budget to buy gifts for myself. selfish, i know. hihihi! :D but even party-less, a lot of things happened/will happen this week that's making me happy:

• my birthday celebration with my college friends last Saturday (after the wedding we attended). for a while now, i know the rule that you should NEVER drink more than 1 type of hard liquor if you want to avoid humiliation (especially not tequila AND vodka!). but for some reason, i keep forgetting that rule when i'm drinking with friends. so since my 26th birthday celebration with these guys, i always end up getting sooooo drunk.
• finally was able to bring my family to Contis last Sunday for my birthday celebration as well. antagal ko na sila gusto pakainin dun eh.
• dinner with my pisay friends on Monday night. compared to my college friends, my high school friends are the "wholesome" ones. no drinks, just a lot of food but i had so much fun as well.
• the gifts! so far i got a necklace from my parents, headphones from J, DVD of the movie 21 from Ria, and DVD of Wall-e plus Marvel 1602 comics from Jam and Luz (and Allen?). Update: I also got pretty flowers and a new Wii game from my friend Richie. Weee!
• Nox came for a visit (from the US) and he bought a Wii for me! so i got my Wii for only half the price!
• my boots will be delivered tomorrow! i'm so excited. :D Update: they came today and they are nice! i can't wait for the next pair. :D
• i'm watching "I Love You Because" on Friday. yay! i already missed a lot of plays last year so i'm not missing this one.
• and of course there's the Eraserheads Final Set on Saturday!

work is still stressful as always and i'm really trying to keep myself in a good mood. it has not been too hard for this week though since there's a lot of things around to lift me up. (there's been some "bad news" earlier though, but i think that deserves a different blog post). oh, and my birthday wish? i just want to be really happy. i don't want to be a robot anymore. heheh! :) now then, it's time to get serious and grow up.

birthday wish list

1. a masquerade party 2. winning lotto ticket 3. vacation trip to Europe 4. ticket to singapore to watch the Cats show 5. a condo which i don't have to rent 6. wiii 7. wiii games 8. DVDs 9. revolving DVD rack 10. good surprises!